This week on RuPaul's Drag U, we learned many important lessons about virginity. For example, hipsters who wear ironic sweaters lose all right to complain about not ever going on a date. If you're intentionally pushing people away because it's cool to do it, you are only desperate for attention.

All kidding aside,* RuPaul invited three virgins to be remade into the women they hope will attract real live horny men. It kind of defeats the purpose of the exercise when it's done on a gay satire of reality TV makeover shows. Hey, I'm sure there's at least one other straight guy watching to learn how to groom down there with Lady Bunny, right?

Mariah, what is the most important part of appearing more confident and beautiful?

God, I missed you, Mariah. Never change.

Hey Mariah, how do you react to finding out an ironic sweater wearing hipster is an accomplished blogger who just graduated from Harvard?

Exactly.

Lady Bunny, what advice do you have for personal grooming?

And Mariah, what do you say to the ironic sweater wearing hipster who just graduated from Harvard and has a successful blog after she claims she's "like Don King down there?"

Exactly.

The rest of the episode plays out in much the same manner. I'll just assume this was to haze my poor Mariah into the faculty of Drag U and that this Harvard grad/professional blogger/ironic sweater wearer is actually a professional actress. Anything that helps me sleep at night.

*I wasn't kidding. That sweater made me shut off the episode when it was airing live. Hence, late posting today.