I stand by every word of my unconventional review of the Cats film. The version released in theaters Thursday, 19 December 2019 was an unprecedented mess, filled with digital glitches rarely seen out of video games being beta tested. The use of light, color, scale, perspective, editing, sound design, digital wardrobe, and CGI effects created something so off putting, so unnerving, so unusual that it did not feel like a film. The only way I could express the feeling of dread and frustration that overwhelmed me was to write my review as a piece of psychological horror.
Universal, the studio behind Cats, pushed out a new version of the film to replace the original as of Tuesday, 24 December 2019. Despite claiming this version existed just to fix some graphical errors, it is readily apparent that much of the film was changed. Cinematography was altered with bold splashes of vivid pinks and blues. Digital lens flare was added to distract from unfinished effects. Characters appearances were altered (some made thinner, some with fewer wrinkles, some made taller, etc.) and entire sequences in the film (most specifically “Memory” into “Beautiful Ghosts” and "Macavity: The Mystery Cat”) were reedited (different shots, different angles, different effects, even different sequences). I cannot confirm that the sound design was altered as I attended the original release and the graphics update in two separate theaters (I strongly suspect it was as the more ridiculous lyrics and poorer singing were suddenly drowned out by orchestrations, but “Memory (original and reprise),” “Beautiful Ghosts (original and reprises),” “Macavity: The Mystery Cat,” and “Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer” were clear as a bell), though there were most certainly lines of dialogue (voice over, naturally) included in this release that were not present in the original version. Characters who were missing from scenes, such as Bombularina, Gus, and Skimbleshanks, were digitally added to crowd scenes so they didn’t just appear and disappear for no reason. The number of cats onscreen at the arrival of Old Deuteronomy was significantly increased, and ensemble cats who were only given close-ups from “Mister Mistoffelees” to the end were hastily edited into crowd shots with reused footage.
I will not be gaslit into believing what was released last week was just missing a few effects. This film was cleverly reedited to address as many sources of criticism as it could head on in a way to make it seem like critics overreacted. Why else would they get rid of the flow of tears and trickle of snot from Grizabella as she sang “Memory (Reprise)”, replaced with a glimmer of highlight on the cupid’s bow and thick white stripes of highlight under the eye? That’s not a digital update; that’s a complete redesign, creating a second character model of someone who appeared looking quite different for the rest of the film.
I did not overreact to what I saw last week; I was kind.
If I wanted to be cruel, I would have gone song by song, scene by scene, and detailed everything wrong with the approach to the film. Cats could have worked onscreen, with the only problems being the source material of Cats, a nonsense by design dance musical for children of all ages.
Now, I chose not to waste any more brain power on one of the most bizarre and manipulative disasters Hollywood has ever produced. You do not get to lie to save face. Those who saw the original version know what it was, and no amount of psychologically reactive lighting changes can steal that from us.
Yes, the blatant overuse of Barbie pink in the opening sequence to soften the blow of seeing Victoria tossed away in a pillowcase, then threatened in a graveyard for not conforming to the Jellicle way, does not hide that the original film turned into accidental horror; it’s pink to make you happy watching it and it left me seeing red.
